hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
