I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
