I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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