Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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