nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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