don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
