i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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