My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
