ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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