Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I need to calm my uterus...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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