I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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