Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
