Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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