It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
