Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
