Define "chronic" masturbator.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
