i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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