Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
