I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
