I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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