I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
