I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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