you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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