Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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