What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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