Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
