? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
