Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
