U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
