I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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