just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
