I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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