You can't motorboat a personality
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Girls should come with a carfax report
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
