did you get engaged???
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
