is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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