I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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