I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
