Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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