there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
