New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize