I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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