let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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