You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
