As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
