This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I want a musical about memes.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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