Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
