she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
