Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You're a waste of cheezeits
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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