he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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