Your face is a jimmy john
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
