Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
