At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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