he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I could fuck to npr.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
