i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she peed on how many people?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
