I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
