i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
