You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
