there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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