I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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