No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
