I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
