accomplished twins. life is a go
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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