someone get that fucking seahorse.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
