I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
