My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
