and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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