help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
