It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
