Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
