these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
