It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
