I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
